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Advice Goddess
| Advice Goddess: Single dad differs on the depth of the dating pool | ||||
| By Amy Alkon, For Get Out | ||||
| November 21, 2007 | ||||
— Single Dad A: It seems you’ve lost your all-access pass to the dating pool. Unlike when you were in nursery school and teacher’s aides saw that every kid got the exact same allotment of Jelly Bellys, advice columnists are not standing outside bars making sure everybody leaves with a smiley sticker and a hot 25-year-old. Grown-up life is harsh. Actions have consequences. Sorry to bring down the giant fly swatter on your free-floating sense of entitlement, but you gave up your Romeo status the day you allowed yourself to bring a child into your life by becoming a father. Parents aren’t people first. They’re parents first. Here in the shallow end of the humanity pool this means the parental agenda precedes all other agendas — as it should. In other words, you’re a wee bit more likely than the single, 25-year-old stud boy to have your date interrupted by a frantic call from the neighbors: “Little Sprogly’s shot the baby sitter with the staple gun!” Chances are you’re not just a single dad, but a divorced dad. There is this notion of “the good divorce,” but is there really such a thing? Let’s be real: Even if you aren’t alimony-bled with a psycho ex-wife and a 15-year-old who’s suddenly wetting the bed, divorce doesn’t exactly simplify a guy’s life. The girl in question, who admitted she wasn’t ready to handle a guy with a kid, could have a boyfriend whose only real distraction is getting his motorcycle rechromed. Or she could have you. So, if you were her, which would you choose, assuming you’re looking for a boyfriend, not looking to become a one-woman chapter of the Salvation Army? Oops — I forgot to ask if I could take your coat and your crown of thorns. And, please see that your stigmata don’t drip on my white carpet. Next order of business: putting a tracker on my compassion. I believe I left it in the kiddie pool with all the children of divorce. The last thing they need is for me to goad a girl who isn’t ready to take on kids into taking them on. Sorry if I’m just too shallow to see it your way: Why urge some child-averse woman to bail now when she can bail a year from now, after your kid’s really attached to her? On the bright side, what kids can’t get in stability they tend to take out in guilt, which may mean before long your kid’ll not only be the proud owner of a miniature Shetland pony, it’ll be living in her bedroom: “Daddddeeeeeey, Rambler missed the potty again!” Q: I’m having a hard time finding a boyfriend, and my friends say it’s because I’m too picky. I’m very tall and really only attracted to tall guys (6 foot 2 inches and up). How can I, as my friends suggest, be “more open-minded” on the height issue? — Statuesque A: People are quick to tell you, “It’s what’s inside that counts.” Well, it counts for a lot — just not enough, if you don’t want to get naked with what’s on the outside. Sure, relationships take compromise — asking a guy to wait till you’re at work to rehearse his death metal ukulele, requesting he clip his toenails into the wastebasket instead of the ficus tree. But, it’s not like you can ask him to stop being 5 feet 2 inches tall. Much as short guys scream, yell, and pound their tiny fists at the injustice of height queens, what guy wants a girlfriend who’s with him because her friends say it’s the “open-minded” thing to do? Tell your well-meaning but misguided compadres it isn’t the size of the man ... unless the size of the man has you answering the question, “So, how did you two lovebirds meet?” with, “Well, one day I lowered my standards and there he was!” Contact Amy Alkon by email. |
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